My dearest friend,
I am not sure what is the right word to express to you (after reading your letter).
Nonetheless, I sincerely hope that you will find peace within yourself. And I pray that you will be successful too, in pursuing your dream. Somehow I have this feeling that you will be content with whatever the outcomes are. You are a strong willed person, my dear.
You will sail through and overcome this storm.
Good luck dear!
Love,
Gie
======================================================================
LETTER, SJM to me, June 2012
Looking for Myself (Out There)
Hello there, my friend. Must be months since I last wrote to you.
Hope you are in the pink of health.
You know how much I like to say that life is a roller coaster. I have lost counts of how many cycles of ups and downs that I had gone through (and survived, thank fully). One thing for sure is that I am going through another cycle now. Am still at the low peak, trying to pick-up the momentum to go up again. It was triggered by the same cause; I was upset and feeling down just the same. My immediate and almost instantaneous reaction was no different. I was looking for an outlet to be away and run from this whole mess. The same ol' same ol' but this time with a little twist.
That is what I am excited (too strong a word!) to share with you. What I have encountered and discovered. What I have learnt and concluded. What I found when I went 'away' looking for myself.
I wanted to pack my bags and go. I actually did. But this time I picked up my emotional-luggage and left myself behind. I looked at the me that I left.
I saw the 'me' that is very much occupied with the needy corporate-world;
the 'me' who easily get agitated;
the 'me' who feels she knows the world;
the 'me' who (subconsciously) keeps blaming CP;
the 'me' who neglected her home duties.
I realize that I have contributed to the law of actions and reactions.
I know that it is not my fault 100%; nonetheless I failed to break the chain.
I notice the approach I had taken (in pulling CP) might have pushed him away (instead).
I acknowledge the positive changes he has shown; but I didn't appreciate it much.
I was expecting that MAJOR change that I disregarded all the MINORs.
I focused on the negatives that I lose sight of the positive ones.
I can clearly see all these now, when I went looking for myself.
And most importantly, I find the answers to the 101 questions I had asked God: Why me? Why did you put me to CP? Why am I still stuck for almost 2 decades? Why?
I think have found the answers to all the WHYS.
I have a new 'drive' in my soul to continue this hard journey in life.
I do not see myself as a victim. Nor am I burdening myself with loads of blames.
I am just admitting the wrongs that I have committed.
I have apologized to CP.
I acknowledge that I am wrong.
I am (trying my level best) to focus on the positive behaviors, no matter how muddy, negative the whole situation is. (got to admit, it is tough!)
I take this as an opportunity to better myself and our relationship.
CP has not responded well. He still keeps his distance, separating himself from me.
It is not easy for me.
This is both a physically and emotionally draining situation.
Nonetheless, I am thankful that I went out looking and I found some answers (and myself).
My apology if I bore you with details of my soul-searching journey, my friend.
Thank you for reading. May you be blessed always.
Hugs & kisses !
I am not sure what is the right word to express to you (after reading your letter).
Nonetheless, I sincerely hope that you will find peace within yourself. And I pray that you will be successful too, in pursuing your dream. Somehow I have this feeling that you will be content with whatever the outcomes are. You are a strong willed person, my dear.
You will sail through and overcome this storm.
Good luck dear!
Love,
Gie
======================================================================
LETTER, SJM to me, June 2012
Looking for Myself (Out There)
Hello there, my friend. Must be months since I last wrote to you.
Hope you are in the pink of health.
You know how much I like to say that life is a roller coaster. I have lost counts of how many cycles of ups and downs that I had gone through (and survived, thank fully). One thing for sure is that I am going through another cycle now. Am still at the low peak, trying to pick-up the momentum to go up again. It was triggered by the same cause; I was upset and feeling down just the same. My immediate and almost instantaneous reaction was no different. I was looking for an outlet to be away and run from this whole mess. The same ol' same ol' but this time with a little twist.
That is what I am excited (too strong a word!) to share with you. What I have encountered and discovered. What I have learnt and concluded. What I found when I went 'away' looking for myself.
I wanted to pack my bags and go. I actually did. But this time I picked up my emotional-luggage and left myself behind. I looked at the me that I left.
I saw the 'me' that is very much occupied with the needy corporate-world;
the 'me' who easily get agitated;
the 'me' who feels she knows the world;
the 'me' who (subconsciously) keeps blaming CP;
the 'me' who neglected her home duties.
I realize that I have contributed to the law of actions and reactions.
I know that it is not my fault 100%; nonetheless I failed to break the chain.
I notice the approach I had taken (in pulling CP) might have pushed him away (instead).
I acknowledge the positive changes he has shown; but I didn't appreciate it much.
I was expecting that MAJOR change that I disregarded all the MINORs.
I focused on the negatives that I lose sight of the positive ones.
I can clearly see all these now, when I went looking for myself.
And most importantly, I find the answers to the 101 questions I had asked God: Why me? Why did you put me to CP? Why am I still stuck for almost 2 decades? Why?
I think have found the answers to all the WHYS.
I have a new 'drive' in my soul to continue this hard journey in life.
I do not see myself as a victim. Nor am I burdening myself with loads of blames.
I am just admitting the wrongs that I have committed.
I have apologized to CP.
I acknowledge that I am wrong.
I am (trying my level best) to focus on the positive behaviors, no matter how muddy, negative the whole situation is. (got to admit, it is tough!)
I take this as an opportunity to better myself and our relationship.
CP has not responded well. He still keeps his distance, separating himself from me.
It is not easy for me.
This is both a physically and emotionally draining situation.
Nonetheless, I am thankful that I went out looking and I found some answers (and myself).
My apology if I bore you with details of my soul-searching journey, my friend.
Thank you for reading. May you be blessed always.
Hugs & kisses !
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